Friday Funny: Inspiring Airport Facilities

We’re back with ChatGPT helping us write absolutely absurd inspirational speeches for some of our favourite airport facilities. If that sounds ridiculous, you’re right. If that sounds funny, you’re probably weird 😜.

Save for the first one, I’m not sure how realistic any of these are. That probably says a lot about me being more familiar with a fictional character versus some of history’s biggest names.

Coach Cooper Revs up an Nervous Stopbar

"Listen up, Stopbar. I know you're feeling the pressure of your important role on this runway. You're the last line of defense for those passengers on those planes. But let me tell you, you were built for this. You were built to handle this pressure.

You've been through the drills, you've trained for this moment. You'll be in control and nothing will be able to shake you. You will not go out unless commanded!

Remember, you're not just a stopbar, you're a leader. You're the one who sets the tone for the entire runway. When you're calm and collected, the whole runway is calm and collected. When you're on your game, the whole runway is on its game.

So take a deep breath, clear your mind, and let's do this. It's game time, Stopbar. You got this!"

Winston Churchill Rouses A Secondary Runway

"My dear friend, I stand before you today to remind you of the great purpose that you hold. You may feel as though you are living in the shadow of the main runway, but I assure you, your role is just as vital to the success of this airport.

You see, it is not the size of the runway that matters, but the strength of the foundation upon which it is built. You are a crucial piece in the intricate puzzle of this airport, and without your dedication and hard work, the main runway would not be able to function at its fullest potential.

Do not let yourself be defined by the perceptions of others. Remember, it is not the critic who counts, not the one who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the runway who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by gravel and bitumen and rubber, who strives valiantly, who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement.

You are the backbone of this airport, and I have complete faith in your abilities to rise above any challenge. So, my dear friend, let the planes take to the skies and show the world the true power of a cross-runway."

Sigmund Freud Counsels a Push Tug with Performance Anxiety

"My dear push tug, it seems that you are experiencing feelings of intimidation and worry when it comes to performing your duties around the larger aircraft. This is a common struggle, and I believe it is rooted in a deeper psychological issue.

Through our session, I would like to explore your feeling of being small and insignificant, along with the overwhelming power of larger aircraft, may have led to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.

However, I want you to know that these feelings are not uncommon and can be overcome with effort. It is important to acknowledge and accept these feelings instead of repressing them. By doing so, you can begin to understand them, and eventually come to terms with them.

You are a valuable and important part of this airport and your contribution is vital to its success. It is normal to feel nervous, but with time, patience and self-care, you will regain your strength and courage. You have the ability to overcome this obstacle and achieve success. Trust yourself and your abilities."

Socrates Advises a Tower Having an Existential Crisis

"Dearest Tower, I understand that you are currently experiencing an existential crisis. This is a common struggle, but one that can be overcome with proper guidance.

I would like to remind you that the purpose of your existence is not to question or doubt your role, but to fulfill it to the best of your abilities. Your role is vital to the safety and success of the airport, and without your guidance, chaos would ensue.

Remember that true wisdom comes from understanding one's own limitations and working within them. You were not created to question your existence, but to fulfill your purpose. I urge you to focus on the present moment, and not to worry about the future or dwell on the past. Your job is to ensure the safe passage of each aircraft, and that is a task that requires your full attention.

Trust in yourself and your abilities, and you will find the purpose of your existence."